The Blog I Never Use

I'd like you, my fellow critics of Christianity (inside and out) to let me know what you think about this essay.

Is it logical to conceive of patriotism as a positive value? Doesn't it depend on the way in which it is conceived: a blind patriotism cannot be any better than the worst practices fostered by a country, but a critical patriotism might be able to rescue what is good without buying in to all of the bad things.

Do you have those all- too- frequent moments when you realize that you are doing something that has every chance of resulting in bodily injury or social disaster? The opportunities for social disaster, though quite promising, are nevertheless becoming less common as I age and the people in my social sphere learn to pretend that their laxity in enforcing the standards of society in is actually maturity, graciousness, insanity, or some other virtue.

Perhaps the opportunities for physical disaster, or “comedy” (as the ancients named it), have not actually become more or less numerous as time sweeps us toward our telos, or perhaps our proximity to that comedy which finds its purpose in our demise, and our awareness of the propinquity between ourselves and the reaper, simply twists our perceptions until children all become too fragile to use pointy scissors, and adults can all be trusted with alcohol, rusty hammers, fireworks, and flammable liquids in the privacy of their own garages.

Tonight I had one of those moments; not exactly a hammer swinging at an m-60 sitting in a pool of WD-40 sitting in a pie plate in my lap in an attempt to light a sparkler held in my teeth, this time, but good ideas were not had by all.

I must thank Alisha for the lovely Viennese Goulash recipe (if I had not capitalized “Goulash,” would it just mean that it was a recipe that came from Vienna for goulash rather than for a specific type of goulash that has gained the title: Viennese?). I had cooked the meat in Hungarian Paprika (Sweet Hungarian Paprika being in short supply here in Idaho) and I had just finished boiling the Spätzle (ʃpɛtslə) and had discovered that I had already used my favorite colander (the smaller metal one, which is easier to control with one hand) and that I had used a pan with two handles on the sides rather than one long handle (that also allows single-handed use) to boil the Spätzle. Upon this discovery, I found the larger colander and discovered that it came rather close to fitting over the mouth of the pan.

I know that you have probably begun to reason along the same lines which I found myself following: it’s fate. They are about the same size; one goes over the other in the process of their normal operation; my hands fit perfectly over the two sets of handles as I hold the colander over the pan, ergo, it is good, right, and perhaps admirable for me to clamp the two together, walk to the sink, and flip them as fast as I can . . . and here comes the moment to which I referred, where I realized that possible disaster had snuck up on me . . . it didn’t turn out as well as you might think, or maybe it was better. The entire front of my body from the waist down was suddenly and almost inexplicably covered with boiling water. I’m quite all right, just embarrassed and a little red over my right quadriceps.

In closing let me suggest to those of you who are considering trying this at home: skip the middleman and just use your pockets to strain the pasta, it works better and allows you to use a pair of pants which you are not currently wearing.

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So the flu is gone and now I have what appears to be Strep Throat. Yay. As if that weren't bad enough, I can't find a clinic that will accept me that will answer my phone calls, and, to make matters worse, the CDC won't allow a docter to give a prescription for antibiotics without a throat culture, which means I have to find the money for: 1. an exam with a docter, 2. a throat culture, and 3. antibiotics, and I'm alergic to Penecillin, so it will probably be a more expensive medication. As the british say, it's my birthday.

Let me get this straight, Strep is dangerous, but I can't get antibiotics without an exam and a culture, neither of which I can afford, so I have to stay sick until I can find one that I can afford and while I'm sick I will undoubtedly infect countless others, some of whom will also be too poor to afford treatment. And you think this is PROTECTING people.

So CDC, until I can get treated, I'm going lick my hands and shake hands with any of your employees that I can find. May whoever made this decision be too poor to afford a visit to the docter too.

[I took a picture of my throat, but I decided that it was too gross to post]

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Tank is having what I can only describe as severe (but normal at this age) stomach trouble. He gets really angry and screams and screams and screams. Well, a few minutes ago I was holding poor little Tank while he screamed his head off, you parents probably know the scream I'm talking about "wa-waH-WAH-WAHWAH," followed by a very slow "WWWWAAAAAAA," descending into a very low and croakey "AHHHHHHHHW." My sister's oldest cat, Pookie, who decided a few weeks ago that crying must be okay, since we were okay with it, decided, very sensibly, that this crying was not. So he first came over and gave me an accusing stare . . . stare, stare, stare . . . then he put his paws up on the couch . . . stare at me, at baby, at me . . . hop up on the arm of the couch (something I've never seen him do, and which he is not allowed) . . . disturbed look, sniff the baby, recognize that I'm being nice to the baby . . . hop back down and leave the room.

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So, I have what I affectionately refer to as the stomach flu -- both ends fighting the middle until exhaustion, not enough fluids, crackers, and water. Sorry, Gina, no babysitter today.

I was watching the Travel channel, usually I just watch No Reservations, and Gina watches the Europe shows, but today I watched shows about different cruiselines. I especially liked the one where monsterously wealthy people live on the boat, but then, half way through the third one, I started getting seasick (not kidding) so I had to switch it. Oh, and while the food channel is one of my favorites, it was absolutely out of the question today . . . I'm glad there is a Spike TV and that I like bad Sci-Fi; really, when you get past the poor acting and mediocre writing, StarTrek Voyager isn't that bad.

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