The Blog I Never Use

As you know, I am a nerd. Not a particularly bad type of nerd, I just like to read nerdy books in various languages and contemplate philosophical problems. I picked up the books, which I had been using to decorate the floor of my room, a few days ago; the count came to 51. Of those 51, 9 were fiction. Out of those 9, only 5 were written solely in English. Out of those 5, 3 were published before 1900. Out of the two which remain, one was Science Fiction and the other fantasy. Okay, maybe I am a bad type of nerd.

For me nerdiness is about the thrill of discovery. I hunt night and day for the the various insights that will lead to an epiphany that will, in turn, provide a truly unique (and valid) perspective. I began the hunt when I was in the seventh grade and I realized that I was not a particularly good person. Getting in fights with bullies to get them to stop hurting people was my only real effort to make the world a better place. Then one day I decided that I would not accept my own hypocrisy without a fight. Day after day I read and searched, starting with the Christian and Jewish scriptures and moving on to almost every genre imaginable.

Occasionally I find someone with like interests and we share our understandings of the world. Several months ago I met a guy named Chris. Chris was adversarial toward Christians, and I don't blame him. Our ministry to him has often been condescending (not in a good way like Jesus coming down to live like we do but condescending like the waiter at the expensive restaurant when you order Dr. Pepper instead of wine) and characterized by more violence than love and peace. Chris, however, is an amazing person for one reason: Chris treated me with courtesy even after learning that I am a Christian. Chris and I had a good discussion that day and he later sent me an email with a link to a website dedicated to the denial that Jesus ever lived. It took me months to reply (I've been busy) but, a few weeks ago, I finally looked at the website and sent a response based on my understanding of the Philosophy of History championed by Hayden White. Chris responded with admirable grace, accepting my answer as valid and worthy of further investigation.

It may not seem like much but, finally, my time in study is being redeemed. I have believed for many years that my labor was not in vain, that all knowledge is useful knowledge if used properly but it really helps to see an actual situation where my dedication to understanding has paid off even in small ways. You see, I've helped a lot of people but usually I don't need my nerdy knowledge so much as my ears and my heart. Now I like to use my ears and heart, but I never worried that I spent too much time in their cultivation (you can't spend too much time learning to listen and understand people), with my personal pursuit of knowledge, I've always harbored some insecurity.

// posted by Unknown @ 8:46 PM