The Blog I Never Use

My sister got married about three-and-a-half years ago. She is much more responsible than I am and so she changed her name with every agency, company etc. When she got to the Idaho DMV, however, none of her documentation was enough. Evidently, a marriage certificate, easily faked in an afternoon, and which she had left in Oregon, seems like a more professional record than a military ID, by the ID DMV logic. Also by ID DMV logic, military ID is only unacceptable after a person turns 18; it is, in fact, the preferred form of identification for a first driver's license.

Here are my (never to be carried out) answers to her situation- and, yes, I know that she can just order a copy of the certificate for a moderate fee, wait in line for another four hours, and pay the $15 DMV fee to have her name on the license changed

10. Pit the DMV with the IRS in a winner-take-all brawl where the loser has to join the light side of the force.

9. Send a letter to the Idaho congressman, along with compromising photos -- preferably of him

8. Send a letter to the Idaho congressman, along with a picture of me and a threat that NEXT TIME the picture of me will be compromising.

7. Send a letter to the DMV's grandma asking her to talk to it

6. Show up every morning with cookies.

5. Show up every afternoon protesting the cookies

4. Learn to harness the demonic forces to unleash unchecked havoc . . . sorry, that's from my "to-do" list

3. Insist on spraying DMV personal with "Holy Water" designed to lower their inhibitions and facilitate a happy outlook on life

2. Orchestrate the downfall of western civilization and thus the DMV (who says I can't adapt my "to-do's"

1. Approach the desk at the DMV and speak in gibberish until you are pretty sure that they are going to call the police. Return each day and repeat the process. After a month, when they recognize you say, in a triumphal voice, "This time I wasted your time."

// posted by Unknown @ 11:33 PM