The Blog I Never Use

So, I've never really cared that much about people putting grotesque scenes in movies. If I don't want to see it, I don't go to the movie. In this case, however, I have to object. Last time I went to the movie theatre, Narnia, I think, they put the most disgusting thing that I have ever seen on the screen. I covered my eyes, but I was too late. The Image of a 20 foot high Sarah Jessica Parker will forever haunt my nightmares. It's like they put Owen Wilson in drag and then used fun-house mirrors to stretch out his face. All this does is encourage her bulimia. Back in 3-2-1 contact or Footloose, it wasn't that bad, I still felt a little sorry for her but, uuuuuuuuuugh, now it's horrendous, and I'm not even going to mention her man hands. PLEASE BLUR HER.

In a few years we'll have to do the same thing with Jessica Simpson, they say that women have to choose between their thighs and their face, I beg of you choose your face. Jessica Simpson used to be a really pretty girl, but she obviously chose to let her face go and now the poor girl's most stunning feature is her clef chin, reminiscent of The Tick. People out there, please listen to me, STOP WITH THE ANOREXIA/BULIMIA, you look much better with a pretty face and an acceptable body than with a fun-house distortion for a face and a body beyond compare. If you do have an eating disorder, please take SJP as a warning, get professional help before it is too late.

A note for miss parker: I have several pounds of fat that I'd donate for injections until you can eat enough to fill out.

A note to people who might take this seriously: I am exaggerating a truth for the sake of humor and using humor to dull the sting of truth. It is a time honored tradition going back to works like the biblical book of Esther, and the various works titled "Satyrica," by Juvinal et alia.